Not a Fan

Over the bouncy theme song to Fran Drescher's sit-com "The Nanny" comes a frantic plea from Eli, "WHERE IS THE REMOTE????" 

Call Me Danny

Eli's offering me $36 to change is name to Danny. Also, he wants a pocket watch. So he can hypnotize me and make me change his name to Danny. Insurance I guess.

Trolling

In an effort to convince me we read more than ten books over Christmas break, Eli "reminded" me of the one about the troll who left home and went to live in an owl's nest. But then the owl had babies so the troll got kicked out. By the end, the troll was back at home where he started in the first place.

I have absolutely no idea what he's talking about, and I sincerely hope he's making it up, or I had better get evaluated. 

With Hesitation...

I hesitate to share this because it sounds rather creepy but seriously, it was a light hearted, innocent conversation!

Eli: So, if our basement walls were bleeding, would that be a bad sign?
Me: WHAT? If our basement walls were bleeding?? Yes, that would definitely be a bad sign.
Eli: Why? What would that mean?
Me: It would mean we had to move!
Eli: Why? Would that mean we have a ghost?
Me: Eli. If there was blood coming out of our basement walls, that would mean something behind the walls was bleeding and I don't wanna clean it up, and I don't wanna know what it is!
Eli: Well...what if there was just blood in the basement, not on the walls?
Me: ELI. ANY amount of blood anywhere in our house that's not from a minor injury of one of us is just wrong and I have no idea where you're going with this but you're freaking me out.
Eli: Well, I was watching Ghost Adventures with Jack again...
Me: Remind me to talk to your brother when we get home. 

Twilight Synopsis: Eli Style

No. Seven year old Eli does not watch Twilight movies. That being said, the other night his 18 year old sister had one on when he came down from bed for a glass of water. Eli paused on the stairs for about 30 seconds and during that time was able to figure out the plot line. He later informed me what it was all about, which I think pretty much covers it.

Emma was watching a vampire movie. The girl wanted to kiss the guy, but he was a vampire so she couldn't because then he would bite her and suck her blood and then she would become a vampire.


And, the guy had a sparkly chest.


The End. 

Teacher Time

Eli's teacher comes daily after school to tutor him for first grade. Except for Tuesdays, when she takes a class after school. To make up for the time, she'll leave him a little extra work on Mondays to tide him over. So today being Monday, she hands him a couple sheets for math and a book, and let's him know she'd like him to work on everything while she's away. His response?

"Don't get your hopes up..."

Luckily his teacher is well versed in Eli-humor and she got a kick out of it. As for me, not so much amused!

*sigh* 

Expanding Vocabulary, With Limited Success

Daddy: Eli why don't you go put some socks on?
Eli: Well that's a general idea...


Eli: What does primary mean?
Mommy: It's like the main reason for something. Or it can mean first. But you probably would use it like, "The primary reason why I like candy is that it's sweet."
Eli: Oh... ...
------------
Eli: Daddy. My primary for eating candy is that it's sweet.
Daddy: ?


Mommy: Why are you in our bed already, it's only 11:00.
Eli: I'm here to enter my plea!
Mommy: Did that John Wayne movie you were watching have a court scene?
Eli: Yep. How did you know that?
Mommy: Just a guess. G'night.