Birthday Goodies

...all kinds of goodies.

Eli's birthday is in December, so it makes sense to plan the menu well in advance.


"Daddy. For my birthday, we're gonna have all kinds of food for everybody. Like chips and salsa...and toast...and orange juice..."

Oh, it's gonna be CRAZY. 

Gus

Eli waited 5 months for this hug :)

"Gus is the best thing God ever made..." 

A Bee House

Our bee house was similar to this one.

"Look! A bee house!"- Eli spotting a little bird feeder out the window of the diner where we were eating lunch today*. What makes this funny, is that it was actually a bird feeder similar to the one that use to hang in our yard. Until it was taken over. By bees. 




*found this post in draft form on my list of blog entries...was originally written months and months ago!

Tony, Tony

Don't mess with this 30 lb 6-year-old, Tony. Just find his stuff. 

Every time Eli loses something, he recites a prayer/poem to St. Anthony, who is apparently the patron saint of lost crap.


Tony, Tony, look around; somethings's lost and must be found.

Only nowadays Eli recites it differently. After hearing my rendition, which has the same wording but is spoken with a New Jersey accent, it now takes on a more severe, almost threatening tone. Like if Tony doesn't find find the lost Star wars figure/video game/missing Lego piece, there will be consequences of the concrete shoe variety.

It also seems to work faster. Coincidence?

Speakin' of Cowboys...

That's what he is.

PS: That is blue cotton candy from yesterday stuck to his face bandage.

Drinking Contest!

We ran to Trader Joe's tonight, my fave shop-spot here in Cincinnati. It wasn't too busy so I was able to bring Eli in. In the back as many of you know, they have a sample counter. The tiny cups of juice set out on a tray caught Eli's eye and he exclaimed, "Look! They're having a drinking contest!"

Sadly, it was only peach juice. 

Eli's New Vocabulary

Since being in the hospital, these are things added to Eli's vocabulary that one can hear him utter on any given day.

I asked him to tell me what they each mean in his own words.

1. puke bucket- a bucket that you can puke in.
2. actigall- a medicine that keeps your liver healthy.
3. urinal- something that you pee in.
4. cyclopsproin- some kind of medicine that goes in your central line.
5. blood work- something where you get poked with a sharp, sharp, very sharp needle.
6. hostibal (his pronunciation of hospital)- I think people know what a hostibal is.
7. child life specialist- someone who brings you fun toys.
8. dressing change- where you get your central line patch changed.
9. central line- something that goes in your vein and goes to your heart.
10. kidney infection-  something that makes you feel like you have to pee when you already went. 
11. acyclovir- medicine.
12. occupational and physical therapy- it's where you get OT and PT to get strong and healthy.
13. gluten free- something that you have to get that's good for you when you have goofy blood.
14. cefapime- some kind of medicine that i'm allergic to.
15. fanconi- something that you grow up with in your body that makes your blood act goofy.
16. NJ Tube- something that goes in your nose down to your small intestines.
17. small intestines- something in your guts.
18. nausea- when you get nauseous and throw up.
19. bladder- something that holds your pee.
20. chemotherapy- a medicine that makes stuff change like your hair falls out, your skin turns tan, and gives you mouth sores that make you not eat.
21. biopsy- something that they poke in your butt and if they put it in the wrong spot it hurts when you walk.
22. Ronald McDonald House- A house with a statue of Ronald. People stay there that have goofy blood. 
23. donor- someone who doesn't have goofy blood and can make you feel better.
24. bone marrow transplant- it's where you can have two birthdays so you don't have to wait for your 'nother birthday. it's where you get new cells to get healthy and go back home from Cincinnati, or if you live in Cincinnati you can go back to your house in Cincinnati or Ohio. 

He's a pretty smart little guy. 

Howdy

A cowboy song by Eli Lana

Blockin' the sun

From my eyes

I'm sayin' howdy

To my partners

Sayin' yee ha

While I'm ridin' my horse

Shootin' my caps

BAM!BAM!BAM!

Tippin' my hat up

This is how we do it

Yee ha! Yee ha!

That is the password 

(repeat three more times)

Now you know the password

Now you can come

Any time you want

Because we will need your help

With the bad guys

BAM!BAM!BAM!

Armpit Hair

Yes, the title of this post is "Armpit Hair." When YOU'RE blogging about funny things your six-year-old boy says, I challenge YOU to avoid having a post entitled, "Armpit Hair."

ELI: Mommy! Oh my gosh...Do you shave your armpits??
MOMMY: (looking at my armpit, hoping that I had in fact shaved) Yes. Girls shave their armpits Eli.
E: What the heck??
M: Girls shave their armpits, boys don't.
E: What do boys do?
M: They just let it grow all over the place. Have you seen your father's armpits?
E: (Inspecting his own armpits) I don't have any armpit hair.
M: No, you're too young. You'll get it when you're older.
E: Oh. How old? Like, seven??

Hospital-isms

We've noticed the meds given to Eli act like sort of a truth serum...I'm sure this list will keep growing!

To Daddy: You’re breathing on me, and your breath smells. And, you even do it when you’re sleepin’.

To a taller than average nurse with a high hair up-do: Oh my gosh, you look like a giant!

Mommy: Does your stomach feel any better?

Eli: Well after that crazy toot it does!


Aunt Kathy: What's wrong honey, are you gonna get sick? Do you need a bin?
Eli: No, I need a cup. It's just my salima... *spits into cup*


‎Eli: Mommy, I love you. I love you more than how many pillowcases they have here.

And lastly: When Eli presses the button for his pain meds, he phrases his answer in the form of a question a la Jeopardy! and states: What is Morphine?

Classic Eli-isms

Two terms heard frequently in conversations with Eli:


Chother: When two opponents square off in a game, they are said to, "Play against their chother." Use "their chother" in place of "each other".


Nother: When there are two possible choices, the one remaining or the one not present is referred to as, "the nother one."

Name Calling

We have a big lovable dog named Tommy, sometimes known as Thomas when necessary. Word to the wise: If you're a parent that gets your name called 100 times a day, DON'T name your dog something that rhymes with your name. If I answer, "What?!" I often hear in response, "I was talkin' to Tommy!" If I ignore it because I thought they were calling the dog, I get: "Mommy, didn't you hear me calling you???"

On the flip side, it is kind of cute when Eli calls me Mhomas.  

Dreaming

Eli aboard the Polar Express, looking for Santa

Mom, last night I had three dreams. Two were nightmares and one was the other kind...What's it called when you have a dream that's not a nightmare?

Interview With Eli

So far these posts have all been random musings of things I've heard and remembered. So for a change, I thought I would interview our subject, and see what we get...

Note: Eli is out of school for the time being and is dealing with some medical stuff right now, so he's a captive subject.

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So Eli, you've had an interesting couple weeks. What has been your favorite thing to have happened to you? Getting toys.

What was the worst part? Getting that medicine. That they shot in my mouth. And the other part, I didn't know they poked a hole in my butt. That was actually dumb.

How did you like staying in the hospital? I hated it because it was boring and dumb and stupid.

How have you been keeping busy at home? I play and watch movies.

How are you liking the new food Mom's been giving you? What food? The smoothies, the fruit leather, the rice milk... Rice milk?? I like the chocolate milk. Oh, well that's actually almond milk. So it's nut milk? I was drinkin' nut milk? Yuck.

What are your plans for the day? I don't have any stupid dumb plans.

What do dogs think about? Nothin'... Missing us when we were at the Doctors. Finding a way to beat up Gus [our cat].

Tell me three words that describe your favorite Star Wars movie. Beginning, middle, and end.

If you had to pick one food to eat every day for the rest of your life what would it be? A red popsicle.

Why are you so darn cute? Because... Just because. And I'm COOL I'm not CUTE. That's a baby word.

A Happy Fakn Eli Story

I have a bad mouth, it's no secret. I swear, I drop F bombs, I say $hit instead of shoot, damn instead of darn, and God instead of gosh. Sometime all of these words can be heard in once sentence in varying combinations. So the following conversation came as no surprise. But God damn, did we laugh.

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Saturday morning, Eli crawled in bed to snuggle, and as he did he was reciting a few lines from "Chicka Chicka Boom Boom," by Bill Martin Jr.  Chicka chicka boom boom, will there be enough room...


He looked at me and said, "Chicka chicka boom boom?"
I answered, "Will there be enough room?"
He replied, "No."
I said, "There freakin' better be."

At this, he was lost in laughter. Completely giddy and giggly, rolling on the down comforter laughing. He made me do it again. And again. In return, I made him promise never to repeat it. He complied.

Fast forward 10 hours, we're all eating take-out around the coffee table. Emma, my 17 year old daughter, says to me, "Did you do something with Chicka Chicka Boom Boom with Eli?" in a tone that indicated this was a rhetorical question.

"Um, yeah..." I answered reluctantly.  "Why?"

"Because today in Wegmans, he repeated it." She wasn't amused.

"Well I didn't swear, I said 'freakin'!"

"Yeah, well HE did!!!" she exclaimed, disgusted with me. Again.

I looked at Eli and said, "Eli, I didn't say the F word this morning! Why would you say that in Wegmans???"

"What F word?" he asked. "Do you mean F...A...K...N?"

I thought about it for a second and looked at Emma, who was laughing discreetly into her napkin. I looked at Tim who was cutting his steak, pressing his lips together while holding his breath. We all knew what the kid was spelling.

"Yes Eli, that's the one."  I guess I need to watch my fakn mouth.

He Wishes

E and Me, Summer 2009

I know this blog up till now has been sillies and funny. But today the Eli-ism I'm choosing to write about is something different, based on a conversation from the other day:

Eli: When I grow up, will I have big hands like everybody else with five fingers on this hand, and five fingers on this hand?(holds up each hand)
Me: No Eli, you won't.
Eli: I won't?
Me: No.
Eli: But I don't like this hand (hits his right hand). It looks like a droid hand. And when I grow up everyone's hands are gonna be big and they're gonna be different. I wish I hand hands like everybody else (he's starting to cry).
Me: But your hands are part of what make you special, and I wouldn't want you any other way.
Eli: But I don't like having these hands.
Me: If I could give you my hands and take your hands, I would do that. It just doesn't work that way. But you are kind, and you're a good friend, and a smart boy, and all those things are more important than how your hands look. And people love you for who you are. You make friends everywhere you go. And a lot of people can't do that.

He crawled up into my lap for about one minute for a cuddle, then was off to play and happy again.

These conversations happen every now and then. Not often. Not even once a month. I don't know what prompted it this time, but after our talk he seemed to feel better.

But that being said, in my heart, I wish the same thing he does...

The Things One Hears...

Here's a little smathering of Eli-isms from the holidays...enjoy!


What's a Jenna Pear? You know, like "...and a partridge Jenna pear tree?"


Mommy, a girl in my school told me Santa was dead...But I know he's not because I saw him in Wegmans.


Straightening out his pawns for the board game, 'Sorry': I'm nervous, and I'm tryin' to get things situated...


Do you know I speak Karate? HAIIII-YAHHH!!! That means I want McDonalds.


Dashing through the snow, 
In a one horse open sleigh
All the fields we go
Laughin' all the way
Ha, Ha!
Bells on tambourines
Making spirits bright
All what fun it is to ride
In a one horse open sleigh
Hey!