With Hesitation...

I hesitate to share this because it sounds rather creepy but seriously, it was a light hearted, innocent conversation!

Eli: So, if our basement walls were bleeding, would that be a bad sign?
Me: WHAT? If our basement walls were bleeding?? Yes, that would definitely be a bad sign.
Eli: Why? What would that mean?
Me: It would mean we had to move!
Eli: Why? Would that mean we have a ghost?
Me: Eli. If there was blood coming out of our basement walls, that would mean something behind the walls was bleeding and I don't wanna clean it up, and I don't wanna know what it is!
Eli: Well...what if there was just blood in the basement, not on the walls?
Me: ELI. ANY amount of blood anywhere in our house that's not from a minor injury of one of us is just wrong and I have no idea where you're going with this but you're freaking me out.
Eli: Well, I was watching Ghost Adventures with Jack again...
Me: Remind me to talk to your brother when we get home. 

Twilight Synopsis: Eli Style

No. Seven year old Eli does not watch Twilight movies. That being said, the other night his 18 year old sister had one on when he came down from bed for a glass of water. Eli paused on the stairs for about 30 seconds and during that time was able to figure out the plot line. He later informed me what it was all about, which I think pretty much covers it.

Emma was watching a vampire movie. The girl wanted to kiss the guy, but he was a vampire so she couldn't because then he would bite her and suck her blood and then she would become a vampire.


And, the guy had a sparkly chest.


The End. 

Teacher Time

Eli's teacher comes daily after school to tutor him for first grade. Except for Tuesdays, when she takes a class after school. To make up for the time, she'll leave him a little extra work on Mondays to tide him over. So today being Monday, she hands him a couple sheets for math and a book, and let's him know she'd like him to work on everything while she's away. His response?

"Don't get your hopes up..."

Luckily his teacher is well versed in Eli-humor and she got a kick out of it. As for me, not so much amused!

*sigh* 

Expanding Vocabulary, With Limited Success

Daddy: Eli why don't you go put some socks on?
Eli: Well that's a general idea...


Eli: What does primary mean?
Mommy: It's like the main reason for something. Or it can mean first. But you probably would use it like, "The primary reason why I like candy is that it's sweet."
Eli: Oh... ...
------------
Eli: Daddy. My primary for eating candy is that it's sweet.
Daddy: ?


Mommy: Why are you in our bed already, it's only 11:00.
Eli: I'm here to enter my plea!
Mommy: Did that John Wayne movie you were watching have a court scene?
Eli: Yep. How did you know that?
Mommy: Just a guess. G'night.

The Scientist

Every night Eli gets his drink of water to put on his nightstand. He never drinks it, but it's there. This morning I went to get the glass, and the water was cloudy and yellow. This is the conversation that took place as a result.

Me: Eli, why does your water look like that?
Eli: I don't know!
Me: Eli. Why does your water look like that??
E: Hee hee hee hee hee!
Me: ... ... ELI. What is it?
E: I was doing science.
Me: Oh really? What was the experiment?
E: I wanted to make my water look like pee!
Me: (sigh) 

My Sweet Boy

*serious post alert*

A sick little girl barely two years old, has passed away. The tears were flowing for her today, although we didn't really know her. We'd followed her story, met her parents a handful of times at the hospital, kept them in our prayers.

We've had the unfortunate experience of bearing witness to many untimely deaths over the past 12 months. Eli is a firm believer in heaven, and has also brought up the idea of reincarnation which fascinates me. I really don't know what happens when we die. But I like Eli's healthy, happy heaven, and at the same time, it might be nice to come back as a flower or a cat (his words).

So today while I shed tears for the family that lost their only child, Eli reassured me that she was fine now. That although her parents are sad, they shouldn't be too sad for very long because she's fine. In heaven, and healthy. Right Mommy? Right?Now she's better? And then in his ever-so-typical Eli fashion, he offered to get me our cat Gus who, "Can cuddle you to make you feel better because he's so soft..."

My sweet boy. 

We're Definitely in a Question Phase.

"Mommy." (Holding his dead remote control for his RC car in his hands). "What do batteries run on?"

It's Alarious.

Yes it's January. Doesn't stop this from happening though:

Trick or treat
Smell my feet
Give me something good to eat;
If you don't
I don't care
I'll pull down your underwear...


Eli, that's not funny.
Yes it is, it's alarious.
No it's not, it's inappropriate.
It's not inappropriate, it's alarious. It's a song. I'm not really gonna pull someone's underwear down...That would be disgusting! 

Who Thinks Like This?

At Target yesterday, now that he's allowed to go at slow times with his mask, he asked me, "What's the tongue on a sneaker for?" Having never thought about it, I finally came up with, "It keeps your shoe laces from rubbing against your foot and hurting." But honestly I have no idea.